Brian Van's Jail Blog RSS

For the love of God, when is Chaya going to bail me out?

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Oct
17th
Fri
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I better be released before the next Media Meshing!

Yes, the rumors are true, I am in jail for doing unseemly things on a subway train with a wiffle ball bat. I have been incarcerated for two days now. You can contribute to my bail fund at brianvanisinjail@gmail.com.

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On my being assraped by Claw

Rex and Krucoff are going to make fun of me now, aren’t they?

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Making friends

My cellmate Claw has never even heard of Tumblr or Gawker! Can you believe that? He probably thinks that Web 2.0 won’t bust. Stupid Claw!

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Happy happy birthday! I am soooo sad I missed your party, sadly I was busy trying to get my boyfriend out of jail. I wish I were kidding! But I heard from others it was a great party so hopefully you had a good time too :)
— Chaya’s comment on Caroline McCarthy’s Facebook wall. Hurry the fuck up Chaya! This Claw guy in my cell is eyeing me like Richard Blakeley eyes a Gawker Media office couch.
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Answer me this question

How am I supposed to carry out my daily Emily Gould/Mary Rambin threesome fantasy masturbation session when I’ve got a guy named “Claw” snoring in the bunk below me?

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pocketnovel:
Wiffle bat: weapon of mass destruction.
I was on my way to Chaya’s so that she could shove it up my ass. Is that so wrong?

pocketnovel:

Wiffle bat: weapon of mass destruction.

I was on my way to Chaya’s so that she could shove it up my ass. Is that so wrong?