Yes, the rumors are true, I am in jail for doing unseemly things on a subway train with a wiffle ball bat. I have been incarcerated for two days now. You can contribute to my bail fund at brianvanisinjail@gmail.com.
Rex and Krucoff are going to make fun of me now, aren’t they?
My cellmate Claw has never even heard of Tumblr or Gawker! Can you believe that? He probably thinks that Web 2.0 won’t bust. Stupid Claw!
How am I supposed to carry out my daily Emily Gould/Mary Rambin threesome fantasy masturbation session when I’ve got a guy named “Claw” snoring in the bunk below me?
Wiffle bat: weapon of mass destruction.
I was on my way to Chaya’s so that she could shove it up my ass. Is that so wrong?
