March 2011
7 posts
I could really use a collection of painfully...
My new cellmate's name is "Scarcock"
Kinda missing “Claw” right about now.
Dropping Alex Blagg's name doesn't go nearly as...
This is what I get for daring Nick Douglas to take...
I could really use one of Rex's creepy hugs right...
Just sayin’.
October 2008
6 posts
I better be released before the next Media...
Yes, the rumors are true, I am in jail for doing unseemly things on a subway train with a wiffle ball bat. I have been incarcerated for two days now. You can contribute to my bail fund at brianvanisinjail@gmail.com.
On my being assraped by Claw
Rex and Krucoff are going to make fun of me now, aren’t they?
Making friends
My cellmate Claw has never even heard of Tumblr or Gawker! Can you believe that? He probably thinks that Web 2.0 won’t bust. Stupid Claw!
“Happy happy birthday! I am soooo sad I missed your party, sadly I was busy...”
– Chaya’s comment on Caroline McCarthy’s Facebook wall. Hurry the fuck up Chaya! This Claw guy in my cell is eyeing me like Richard Blakeley eyes a Gawker Media office couch.
Answer me this question
How am I supposed to carry out my daily Emily Gould/Mary Rambin threesome fantasy masturbation session when I’ve got a guy named “Claw” snoring in the bunk below me?
