Brian Van's Jail Blog RSS

I was in jail once. Now I'm in jail again. In other words, I'm the Richard Hatch of webtards.

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Oct
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Happy happy birthday! I am soooo sad I missed your party, sadly I was busy trying to get my boyfriend out of jail. I wish I were kidding! But I heard from others it was a great party so hopefully you had a good time too :)
— Chaya’s comment on Caroline McCarthy’s Facebook wall. Hurry the fuck up Chaya! This Claw guy in my cell is eyeing me like Richard Blakeley eyes a Gawker Media office couch.
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Answer me this question

How am I supposed to carry out my daily Emily Gould/Mary Rambin threesome fantasy masturbation session when I’ve got a guy named “Claw” snoring in the bunk below me?

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pocketnovel: Wiffle bat: weapon of mass destruction. I was on my way to Chaya’s so that she could shove it up my ass. Is that so wrong?

pocketnovel:

Wiffle bat: weapon of mass destruction.

I was on my way to Chaya’s so that she could shove it up my ass. Is that so wrong?