Brian Van's Jail Blog

I better be released before the next Media Meshing!

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:51:50 -0400

Yes, the rumors are true, I am in jail for doing unseemly things on a subway train with a wiffle ball bat. I have been incarcerated for two days now. You can contribute to my bail fund at brianvanisinjail@gmail.com.

On my being assraped by Claw

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:44:00 -0400

Rex and Krucoff are going to make fun of me now, aren’t they?

Making friends

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:38:53 -0400

My cellmate Claw has never even heard of Tumblr or Gawker! Can you believe that? He probably thinks that Web 2.0 won’t bust. Stupid Claw!

"Happy happy birthday! I am soooo sad I missed your party, sadly I was busy trying to get my..."

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:25:00 -0400

“Happy happy birthday! I am soooo sad I missed your party, sadly I was busy trying to get my boyfriend out of jail. I wish I were kidding! But I heard from others it was a great party so hopefully you had a good time too :)”

- Chaya’s comment on Caroline McCarthy’s Facebook wall. Hurry the fuck up Chaya! This Claw guy in my cell is eyeing me like Richard Blakeley eyes a Gawker Media office couch.

Answer me this question

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:09:00 -0400

How am I supposed to carry out my daily Emily Gould/Mary Rambin threesome fantasy masturbation session when I’ve got a guy named “Claw” snoring in the bunk below me?

pocketnovel: Wiffle bat: weapon of mass destruction. I was on my...

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 03:43:43 -0400

pocketnovel:

Wiffle bat: weapon of mass destruction.

I was on my way to Chaya’s so that she could shove it up my ass. Is that so wrong?