Brian Van's Jail Blog

peterfeld: I predict that the brvtal SOM-style typo in his last...

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 12:56:00 -0400

I predict that the brvtal SOM-style typo in his last name is going to be helpful to Brian at some point in the future.

Well, at least they didn’t catch me jerking it behind a tree to Caroline McCarthy’s heaving fun bags at the picnic on Lake Travis the other day. WINNING!

I could really use a collection of painfully mediocre Sloane Crosley essays right about now

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 12:52:00 -0400

My new cellmate's name is "Scarcock"

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 12:27:00 -0400

Kinda missing “Claw” right about now.

Dropping Alex Blagg's name doesn't go nearly as far as I hoped it would in here.

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 10:03:24 -0400

This is what I get for daring Nick Douglas to take off his pants at a mechanical bull party?

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 10:02:32 -0400

I could really use one of Rex's creepy hugs right now

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 09:59:00 -0400

Just sayin’.

At least they serve some might tasty BBQ in the Austin jail. But...

Wed, 16 Mar 2011 09:46:00 -0400

At least they serve some might tasty BBQ in the Austin jail. But you really don’t want to go to any of the pool parties.

I better be released before the next Media Meshing!

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:51:50 -0400

Yes, the rumors are true, I am in jail for doing unseemly things on a subway train with a wiffle ball bat. I have been incarcerated for two days now. You can contribute to my bail fund at brianvanisinjail@gmail.com.

On my being assraped by Claw

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:44:00 -0400

Rex and Krucoff are going to make fun of me now, aren’t they?

Making friends

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:38:53 -0400

My cellmate Claw has never even heard of Tumblr or Gawker! Can you believe that? He probably thinks that Web 2.0 won’t bust. Stupid Claw!

"Happy happy birthday! I am soooo sad I missed your party, sadly I was busy trying to get my..."

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:25:00 -0400

“Happy happy birthday! I am soooo sad I missed your party, sadly I was busy trying to get my boyfriend out of jail. I wish I were kidding! But I heard from others it was a great party so hopefully you had a good time too :)”

- Chaya’s comment on Caroline McCarthy’s Facebook wall. Hurry the fuck up Chaya! This Claw guy in my cell is eyeing me like Richard Blakeley eyes a Gawker Media office couch.

Answer me this question

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:09:00 -0400

How am I supposed to carry out my daily Emily Gould/Mary Rambin threesome fantasy masturbation session when I’ve got a guy named “Claw” snoring in the bunk below me?

pocketnovel: Wiffle bat: weapon of mass destruction. I was on my...

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 03:43:43 -0400

pocketnovel:

Wiffle bat: weapon of mass destruction.

I was on my way to Chaya’s so that she could shove it up my ass. Is that so wrong?